Dumb Mahoney’s Music by Hoyt Merion

Dumb Mahoney’s Music by Hoyt Merion is a 64-page side-stapled booklet published by The Ely Press, priced at 1/- and features cover artwork that is unsigned.

A while back I blogged another Hoyt Merion title. To my knowledge, these are the only pair The Ely Press published. It is unclear just when The Ely Pres published their novels, as no copies are held on WorldCat, nor via the British Library or any associated libraries on the COPAC database! The author also appears as Hoyt Merrion (two “r’s”) via Wells Gardner, Darton & Co with a slew of novels, both in booklet and paperback format, from 1947 to 1951.

More irksome (to me) is the fact that I haven’t a clue who Hoyt Merion / Merrion truly is. These tongue-in-cheek westerns aren’t the best-written pieces, but they aren’t horrible either. In fact, they are mildly entertaining.

When local sheriff Dirk Gruner is murdered, a new one must be obtained, however, nobody in Lean Butte is idiotic enough to take the job. Rustlers have frequently made it clear that any interference means a swift death.

Word makes the rounds quickly that “Dumb” Larry Mahoney has accepted the position and plans to ride into town. The idea that Mahoney could be sheriff, let alone put two coherent thoughts together, is met with much mirth. Mahoney once lived in Lean Butte but due to immense ridicule at his endless moronic statements and actions, his widowed mother removed themselves to another town to obtain a fresh start in life. Mahoney grew up with the fascination of becoming a lawman.

Mahoney takes the star and begins to practice on a quick-draw and unleashing lead quickly from behind the fenced yard of his new home. Every day the people laugh at the steady musical staccato of Mahoney trying to hone his hand to gun-butt. He’d never had much money to afford bullets, but now that he is sheriff, he’s got ready access to both guns and bullets. And daily, he loads, draws, pulls and drills inanimate targets.

And every evening, he rides out into the countryside to try and find the rascal rustlers and their pilfered four-legged mooing meat. One night, while out on a ride, he’s met by a bullet crossing the plains. He falls to the ground and plays possum. The assailant approaches and Mahoney kills the man dead. Unfortunately, he’s soon captured by the rustlers, his identity discovered, and spared an instant death. Everyone knows Mahoney is “dumb.” So they tar-and-feather him and send him back to Lean Butte, tied to his horse.

The entire town soon learns of his arrival. His mother is beside herself that nobody has assisted their sheriff, so she unties the silent Mahoney and brings him indoors. Days pass, nobody has seen Mahoney, but it’s obvious his mother is working daily to remove the tar.

So days have passed and one day Mahoney stalks forth from his abode, tar still evident on his person and in his hair, and much to the surprise of Lean Butte, begins his gun music again! Then he takes to horse and calmly trots out of town to search once more for the rustlers.

Eventually he spies a lone horseman, follows him to a rocky area, then through a maze, discovers a wide area, a hut, and sneaking up, listens to plans for a future raid. Slipping away under cover of darkness, he obtains some rancher’s willing to assist in their capture. After all, they’ve all lost cattle. So, while under the cover of darkness the next night, they wait and eventually the sun rises. Yet, no rustlers!

Returning to town, they discover that the rustlers had hit several abandoned ranches, those ranches belonging to the men that rode with “Dumb” Mahoney. Seems he was outfoxed, duped into following the lone rustler and duped into a fake rustling plan! They never intended to use that location again, but wanted Mahoney to gather assistance which would leave various ranches abandoned or shorthanded. His help is irritated, and one owner goes so far as to beat Mahoney to a pulp in front of the men and women of Lean Butte. His mother runs out of the home and beats the assailant over the head with a broom handle, knocking him out. Then she retrieves her son and drags his form into the house.

Time passes once more. And Mahoney is at it again! We hear the music of gunfire behind the fence. This time, though, townsman Jess Linty wishes to make peace and invites Mahoney to the saloon for a drink. Well, Mahoney doesn’t “drink.” Linty is fine with that, and Mahoney accepts, only to request of the bar man an orange juice and lime. While drinking and talking with Linty, two unscrupulous men at a table start trouble with Mahoney, but Linty walks up to them and tries to make peace. Guns are drawn and much to the amazement of those present, Mahoney beats them to their irons and kills them. He’s fairly certain a third gun had been fired at him but when he looks at Linty, that man is still fanning his gun at the dead pair who are fallen. Mahoney is slow “upstairs” to figure this but is dead certain Linty fired upon him! Linty ejaculates how impressed he was at the speed in which Mahoney drew and his deadly accuracy.

Nonplussed by the entire scene, Mahoney departs to think it out in silence. He’s certain that Linty drew him to the saloon for the expressed purpose of dying at the hands of the two gunmen. But why? Something troubles Mahoney, as he realizes that he missed an earlier clue, something someone had said to him…something that ties Linty to the rustlers. It finally hits him that Linty had stated something about the rustlers being “Big chiefs with black masks.” But Mahoney had never told a soul that the leader of the rustlers wore a black mask.

Now certain that Linty must certainly be the leader of the rustlers, and the cause for the insider information leaking out constantly, he rides out once more, ready to flip the deadly game into his own hands. But he pulls a bluff, and doesn’t ride out at night, which everyone is prepared for. This time he rode out in plain sight on his normal trek, but far out, made a wide arc so that he could watch the town from a good distance. Sure enough, a lone rider is soon seen departing Lean Butte for the rocky hills.

Following from a discreet distance, Mahoney shadows the rider, who he is confident to be Linty. He soon discovers how the rustled cattle disappears without a trace. They are driven up the rocky defile, and through a cave, into a hitherto unknown valley like something out of a lost race fantasy novel. He captures Linty at gunpoint. Linty is shocked to find himself on the short end of a gun barrel, and Mahoney standing behind it. This seems impossible, for he is certain that Mahoney is still in town! After all, who else did he hear making gun music behind the fence? Mahoney smartly confesses he enlisted his eager mother to fire off the rounds continuously at a specific hour! Dumbfounded at having been outsmarted, Linty is a shadow of himself and readily obeys Mahoney’s orders to the hooded villain to command his men to unlimber their hardware.

Having captured the entire lot, he has Linty’s two main men tether everyone then he takes care of the pair, too. Next day, he rides into Lean Butte with the entire rustling lot…and Jess Linty in front, tarred and feathered for all to see.

Nobody calls Mahoney “dumb” no longer.